If I have a chance to say it (again) to you that my sophomore year is truly "amazingly" crazy, seems like I'm going to be treated as "ambitious" "arrogant" person(or perhaps you have another words which are perfectly describe my thoughts, eh?) if you read this post. However, my thoughts are just concern about "what am I going to do next after my university years??". It bothers me a lot! because if I planned and the plan didn't go on its tracks, I would be suffering (again) for the second times! and I WONT...!! but if I didn't plan, I would be overboard when the graduation comes.
Does it sound too dramatic?? and pathetic??
I stopped thinking about my future and let my Lord design it for me. until last month. Something happened and changed my perspective. I realized that until this day, after I have lived for about 19 years, I don't know what I live for. I haven't planned, YET! have never for anything. I'm totally overboard....
I screwed up my Development of English Language mid-term test and only got 70 - the second lowest score - while the others mostly got 80, 85, and one of my classmate got 95. I didn't study and prefer to did something unimportant on that time. I couldn't reject but I shouldn't allow it happened. I cried after the test and regret myself. My boyfriend cheered me and said "It just did, forget about it".
Then, I thought I have to be more focus on the thing that is being the most important, "the reason why I choose to continue my study in here". I have any plan so I don't want to get it worsen. I'm responsible with the permission that my parents have given to me. I don't want to be a jerk and useless.
since my future is designed by myself and accepted by God, I want to start from setting my own goal for this term, "I want my GPA back on its track and higher than the first semester"... to make it comes true, I decided to reduce wasting my time hanging around at campus and to do unnecessary things. I have managed my time to studying and study "smarter" not "harder". That's the reason why I often disappear from campus too early. My Boyfriend helps me a lot to keep my faith on, supports all the things I want to do. Some of my friends get mad at me because I always go with my boyfriend everywhere I am. Actually he's just helping and reminding me if I didn't focus on my work. He is always blamed. I feel very sorry to him. I know that someday, when we're grown-ups, we all realize the reasons of all these situations.
The breakthrough happened last weekend when I looked at British Council's page on Facebook. There was an education UK exhibition held in Bandung. I went to that exhibition and tried to ask some questions about opportunity continuing my master's degree there, and if there's any scholarship are offered to the applicants. Although there's no scholarships are offered except reducing the tuition fee, I'm satisfied with these exhibition. Then suddenly, I was reminded by my last "fairy tale" dream... "studying abroad". I almost forgot that one, but Thank Allah for reminding me that I still have my last dream, my only ideals that I have left. I know I still have an opportunity to make it comes true. I realize that is not only my dreams, but also many people out there who want to study abroad by scholarship so bad. But I'm sure if I study well, graduate in Cumlaude, I will be one of the scholar.
Then start from now,, I know what stuffs that I'm going to do in the rest of my life, at least for starting my "real" life.... don't forget, it's just the beginning of all.... :)
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